Midlife re-evaluation and gear simplification

When people get to be my age, they go through what most people call a midlife crisis. I don't like to think of it that way. I view it more as a midlife re-evaluation. It's the stage of life where you finally realize that you no longer have all the time in the world to do everything you want to do, so you re-evaluate those goals and figure out which ones are viable and which ones have to be abandoned. It's a bittersweet time as it's sad to see some of your old goals and aspirations die, but it's good to be refocused on the things you really want to do. It doesn't happen at once and the plans often change until you finally figure out what you want.

This re-evaluation happened to me recently. I'm fortunate in that I have a logical, analytical mind, and that I can do a lot of internal analysis without doing anything rash. Many people end up doing crazy stuff like quitting their jobs, divorcing their husbands/wives, and buying outrageous sports cars, boats, motorcycles, etc., only to realize they love their spouse, they liked their job, and the new bike hurts their back. I'm also fortunate because the only part of my life being re-evaluated is music - I enjoy my career, I love my wife, and although I'd love to learn to ride a motorcycle, it's not as important to me as it used to be, so I could take it or leave it.

I wrote a blog post recently about switching from guitar to drums. This was part of the re-evaluation process. I've always loved the drums and I played them for a few years, but I ended up selling my drum set because I didn't have enough time to focus on drums and guitar and I had already invested a lot of time on guitar. This was the pivotal moment where I could've been a drummer. I was much younger and I could have just kept my guitar stuff and used my limited practice time for drums instead of guitar. When I recently revisited the drums and thought I would rather be a drummer, what I was doing was regretting that decision, wondering if I hadn't made a mistake.

I know what many of you are thinking - why can't you just do both? Good question. I could, but there are two mitigating factors - money and time. I just don't have the money to spend on a ton of musical equipment, and I've already invested so much into guitars recently that I just can't justify spending more on drums and drum accessories.

Time is the biggest problem, though. I was watching a video recently of a Phil X guitar clinic, and he said that the only way to get better is to practice more. It's common sense, but you'd be surprised at how much common sense you can mask with denial. He said in this video that when students come to him and say that they're frustrated and they're stagnating, he says they have to play more. If they're playing for one hour a day, up that to two, or four. Whatever it takes. And that's the problem. I'm lucky if I get two hours a week to play, let alone two hours a day. But the truth is I don't want to play two hours a day. While I easily could, there are other things in my life I want to do, too. And even if I did want to play two hours a day, why? What's the ultimate goal? I don't want to join a band and play in night clubs and bars every weekend. I don't want to be a professional session player. I don't even want to write and record anymore, because again, the only way to learn how to record is to take more time. Then it'll take even more time to write the music and actually do the recording, and before you know it I'm working 6 hours a day to practice, write, rehearse and record. It's just not worth it.

That's when I realized that I will probably never be any better of a guitar player than I am right now, because I don't want to devote the time that it would take to become the player that I wanted to be when I was younger. And I also realized that I won't be able to put the time into becoming even a half decent drummer, because it's been 10 years or so since I last played and I'm not even as good as I was when I stopped. At least I've stayed consistent enough in my guitar playing that I haven't lost much over the years, but I've lost too much of my drumming to be able to play well enough to enjoy it, and using my limited time to play drums won't be enough to bring it back.

So in this midlife re-evaluation, the aspiration of being a drummer is one that will unfortunately be left to die off. So will the aspiration of writing and recording my own music. And the aspiration of being the guitar  player I wanted to be when I was younger. And the aspiration of learning how to play bass. Maybe I can revisit some of these aspirations once I get to the age where I can retire from my full time job and thus have much more free time to devote to them, but for now, they will be put on a shelf, perhaps permanently.

This doesn't mean I'll never play guitar again. On the contrary, I plan on keeping my usual playing time and using that time to just enjoy playing. Sure, maybe I'll learn a thing or two here and there, but I'm not expecting big performance gains. I also took this time to simplify my gear and to finally get a good amplifier that can fill my needs for the rest of my life. The bass and bass amp are gone (as is the Basscapades series), the red Ibanez RG has also been sold, the DGW Contender has been given to my 11-year-old nephew, and the Line 6 amp and DigiTech RP90 are on the market.

I used the money from the gear sales to purchase a Roland Cube 40XL amplifier, which is absolutely amazing and is exactly what I will need for as long as I can keep playing. As for guitars, all I have left are my old Suzuki acoustic, my refurbished Hondo Strat (which has turned into a solid player), my Fender Strat, and my black Ibanez RG, which I originally had on the market but decided to keep after plugging it into the Cube and hearing how incredible it sounded. I also still have my Dunlop wah/volume pedal. I have some money left that I will probably spend on some footswitches for the Cube.

That's all the gear I need for now. I don't see a need for anything else. I may end up getting a Telecaster-style guitar at some point in the future, but right now I have no desire to buy another guitar. I've simplified the musical part of my life and while there's a twinge of sadness, I'm mostly feeling happy, excited, and relieved to know what I want out of music and that I have all I need now to achieve the modest but attainable goals I have as I move into the next stage of my life.